Different kinds of Pain
by solar-sun
Summary: House awakens to the reality that has come to be. Will he run? Will he hide? Or will House finally accept things? *based after season 4 final*
1. Awoken

Different kinds of Pain

**Different kinds of Pain**

**Chapter 1: Awoken**

**By Candy aka Solarsun**

_Disclaimer: I don't own House! I wish I did!_

Adjusting to the light of the room, his haunting baby blue eyes opened slowly. Ahead of him was a wall, but it was no ordinary wall indeed. It was a hospital Wall which meant something in his head.

For one that Growing headache was probably more serious then he had thought it was.

For another he was going to be stuck in this bed for a while by the cool metal band around one of his left hand he could feel.

Cuddy must have already been thinking ahead with this.

That damn woman.

Groaning turning his head slowly, trying to let his eyes adjust to the light that was coming from the open window he noticed another bed in the room. He closed his eyes then, the light was too much anyway.

So he wasn't a lucky one who got a room to himself, he thought dryly turning his head back forward to stare at the ugly wall ahead of him. It was probably a punishment for the stunt he had pulled not to long ago…

How long ago was it exactly, he thought again his right hand rubbing his chin.

Three days worth of hair growth sat on his chin.

Greeeaat.

"House," A familiar voice chimed at him toward the right of him. He really didn't feel like turning his head to acknowledge the person so he didn't. He already knew by the voice who it was.

"Cameron," House muttered. "How long have you been sitting there? Don't you have an ER to run?"

"Can't blame me for being worried," Her soft voice said as he heard her stand up and move some stuff around on him.

"Yes I can," House sighed trying to open his eyes but the light was still too bright. "Could you go shut that curtain, it's blinding the cripple." He finally said giving up on opening his eyes until that curtain was shut.

Immediately she did as she was asked and he could hear her stand up and walk over to the left side of the room and doing something over there. His eyes, even under the cover of his lids, could sense the change in light and he tried once more to open them.

"Ahh the ability of sight has returned to me, it's a miracle! Call the papers," House muttered as he opened one eye and then the other, his eyes slowly focusing on Cameron who was now standing at the edge of his bed where the ugly wall used to be. "Did you fix my leg and everything too?"

"House," Cameron said again in that same worried tone. She was always so good at that tone, he thought. "Do you know why you're here? Do you remember what happened?"

He didn't want to remember what happened but the visions of what had happened three days ago forced themselves to the surface as he closed his eyes. His brain was to active, to hurt to deal with the situation.

"I don't want to remember…" He groaned again. "But if it'll keep you happy then yes I remember."

Three days ago, he figured, was when he underwent what Wilson asked him to too try and save Amber for his friend.

Three Days ago he had failed as a Doctor. He had also failed as a friend to Wilson, letting Amber die. It didn't help that she had also been on that bus because of him. Wilson probably wouldn't speak to him for quiet a while, he thought dryly.

And who could blame him?

"House, you've been here…" Cameron broke in reminding him that she was still standing there.

"For three days. I'm in a hospital bed, not stupid." He shot back not wanting to deal with the doctor part of this right now. Right now he wanted to just curl up and die. He was a doctor to solve the case. That's how it had always been with him. Once he had figured out what exactly was going on with the patient that nobody else could, he'd give them what they needed to know and leave it at that.

He wasn't one for crying over spilt milk. If the patient was going to die, then that was the answer and there was nothing he could do about it.

So why the hell did he feel so guilty about Amber?

He solved the case, figured it out in time to give Wilson a final goodbye. It was more then he would have had if he hadn't gone through that hell to figure out what he had forgotten.

If he hadn't done that they probably would have never figured out Amber was Jane Dow number 2, and that she probably would have died under their noses days ago from complications.

Then Wilson would have been even more upset because she had died in his hospital under his nose without him able to say goodbye to her.

House had done his job…

So why was there so much guilt eating him?

He didn't want to think about that right now. That was something he could deal with later.

Later when his brain wasn't screaming at him to stop thinking.

Later when his eyes didn't want to go blind to stop that light.

Everything was always later with him because there would always be a later…

Well…maybe not. There probably would be no more later with Wilson and him and Cuddy he was sure wasn't going to let him work for a while.

So, he figured, he had all the time in the world now to deal with it.

But House didn't want to deal with it.

"House," Cameron's voice broke in once more. Obviously she hadn't left yet. That woman tended to not get his hints or she got them and ignored them. She was good for that.

"Leave me alone," House finally said. "I'm sure there will be plenty of time for you to bug me later. I'm awake now, see? I can blink my eyes and everything."

He tried to blink them open and close just to piss her off but that hurt a hell of a lot more then he thought it would.

"It's good to see you be yourself," Cameron sighed. "I'll tell the others you're finally awake at least."

"Good, now go away. I want to get my beauty rest." House said trying to turn himself slowly in his bed, then remembering that cool metal piece on his left hand keeping him from getting up. "O yeah, tell Cuddy I want a word with her the next time I'm awake."

"Ok," She said then leaving him in the room with the unknown patient.

Opening an eye he let himself adjust to the room again to glance at this mysterious someone who was invading his hospital space. It seemed a lot like that dream he had had after being shot by that disgruntled man but this was real. He could tell it was real by his throbbing leg, his hurting eyes, and his screaming brain.

Ahh it was a good day to be alive.

Not really though, he thought, that was just something people thought to make things seem better then it really was.

House was never the one to sugar coat anything.

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_(authors notes)_

Welcome all to my first ever not cartoon/anime fanfiction on !

I had been playing around with an idea of a House fanfiction since season 4 ended and here I am throwing my hat into the ring.

This is going to be difficult for me to say the least. Why do you ask?

Because to do a good portrayal of House is I think difficult. I want people to be able to read this and it be like watching an episode of our favorite series and I'm afraid that I won't do a good enough job with it for that.

If I don't do a good enough job then I don't want to write it.

Now on to other things. I am not sure how this story will end totally either. Like I said I've been playing around with ideas in my head. I may have this end up being a Huddy or a Hameron story but I also am a complete sap when it comes to House and maybe bring in an original character.

There was a saying in the Fruits Basket Manga '_**If Someone can cause those scars there is sure to be someone who can heal them**_'. It's in book 4 and that I think will be the driving force to this fanfiction. We all love House because he's broken, cracked, tainted. What ever you call it he's hurt. What caused this hurt has been sorta left up to the watcher. A lot of hurt comes from his leg (both physical and emotional hurt) but I don't think that is what caused House to be House. There is a lot more to him then what meets the eye and that's what this story will be about.

Him and healing.

Who does the healing will be up to me I guess and maybe some influence on your reviews. So review now and review often!

Thanks and I hope this wasn't to horrible!


	2. His Puzzle

**Different kinds of Pain**

**Chapter 2: His Puzzle**

**By Candy aka Solarsun**

_Disclaimer: If I owned House he'd be cooking for me everynight but sadly I cook and I don't own House or the show._

Someone was calling his name, he could hear that but House didn't want to wake up at the moment. Right now his nice dream was begging him to stay asleep. It involved a certain overly protective ER doctor, a bottle of chocolate syrup, and strawberries. It was keeping his mind off of the fact his mind was always screaming at him that he had hurt it.

Damn Brain.

Sadly though the person on the other end of his conciseness was winning the battle and waking him up.

"What now?!" He grumbled opening an eye slowly to see Foreman standing beside him with a small flashlight. "I was having a good dream and you go and interrupt it with your silly name calling."

Foreman just rolled his eyes.

"I'm here to do a few tests on you and see what damage was done a few days ago," He responded immediately leaning over and pulling his one eye that was open wider and flashing the light in it.

"Hold on!" House said batting Foreman's hand and that evil flashlight away with his free hand glaring at him. "I just woke up, I have a headache that won't seem to go away, and you interrupted a nice dream. Do you think I like being blinded so early in the morning?" Sighing House leaned back in his pillows a bit more closing his eye once more. "Could you tell the Nurse to bring a few more pillows while you're here?"

"You can do it yourself," Foreman said turning the flashlight off and sticking it in his lab coat once more.

"You know Cameron would be much nicer," House mocking sneered turning as best he could he hit the call button.

"I'm not Cameron," Foreman said writing something down on his chart. "And you need to stop biting people's heads off when they try and talk to you."

"What are you writing on that chart? 'Doesn't play well with others?' Pfft. Everybody who works here knows that!" He shot back. "Excuse me for not being a morning person."

"No that's not what I wrote down," Foreman said rolling his eyes as the nurse walked in the room interrupting them.

"Bring me Pillows," House said as the nurse turned and walked out. "See some people actually do their jobs around here."

"Unlike doctors who have to be chained to their beds to keep them from doing stupid things," Foreman sighed writing more stuff down. "How long have the headaches been bothering you?"

"Stupid things? Doing my job isn't stupid." House responded ignoring his question.

"It is when it got you in the condition you are now in," He said. "Just try to relax and think of this as a vacation. Now how long and sever have the headaches been for you?"

"This isn't where I'd spend my vacation if given the choice, though handcuffs may be involved." He said pulling on his arm again. "I want to speak with Cuddy when she gets the time to see little old me unless you have the key to this." He watched Foreman shake his head no. "So she doesn't trust you."

"House, your headaches?" He finally asked again.

"Since I woke up," House responded. "Since the bus crash." He then smirked. "Since I hired you so long ago."

"To long ago," Foreman said writing another thing down. "We are going to have to examine you, you do know that, right?"

Deciding to ignore him, House turned over as best as he could looking toward the sleeping unknown woman. So they hadn't moved her. He was beginning to grow curious as to who this sleeping woman was and why she was invading his space so openly though he figured it wasn't really openly if she was unconscious still.

"House pay attention to me," Foreman said growing annoyed at the man who was acting like a stubborn child.

"Who is that woman there?" House asked again ignoring what Foreman had said.

"She doesn't matter. Your testing matters. You getting better matters. You should worry more about your own health then trying to commit suicide just to solve the puzzle."

"Has Wilson visited me at all since I've been here?" House then asked, his voice dropping to a serious tone. The question startled Foreman for a second and it took him a few seconds to shake his head.

"No House, he hasn't."

Figures as much, House thought dryly. I wouldn't want to visit me either.

"But I'm sure that's because he's working and he has Amber's parents and death to deal with on his own," Foreman tried to excuse. "I'm sure he'll be around later today since word has gotten out from Cameron that you're awake now."

Shaking his head House leaned back in his bed seeing the nurse come in with two very fluffy pillows and place them under his neck. Wilson took things way to much to heart. He was hurt easily and tended to run when it came to the gray area that House flourished in. Right now he was in a gray area. It was his fault in at least some regard that Amber was dead. Would Wilson be able to blame him? Could he?

Hell House was blaming himself enough for two people.

Why did he have to be a narcissistic bastard? Why was he at the bar that night anyway?

Why didn't he die in that bus crash?

Hell if he had died in that bus crash then a lot of issues here would be solved. Wilson could hate him freely. He'd be dead and rid of this pain in his leg and the hospital would be free of the one major problem they have to deal with.

Which was little old himself.

"Anyway I have clinic hours to do since someone decided to try and kill themselves with that little stunt you pulled," Foreman said. "I'll be back later. Stay put ok? And stay quiet. The nurses still have a lot to do since that bus crash."

"Yes mother," House sneered again.

His eyes on Foreman's back as he left the room House closed them again, letting the sounds and beeps of the hospital around him drown out his thoughts. They weren't loud enough to drown them out totally. It seemed even with a brain injury sever enough to land him chained up in a hospital bed his thoughts still raced.

Though when did his brain ever stop racing? It was what drove him to find the answer to the unsolvable medical cases. That's why he was the best because he'd risk everything to solve something that nobody could.

It was all a cover so he didn't have to think of his real problems. Cases came and went but the life he was born into, the life he had to live, he was stuck with. It wasn't just as easy as closing a file and choosing another case to toy over. He knew he was a broken man, everybody knew that. He figured that's why he got away with so much around here because people didn't want to know the other half of the puzzle he had.

Why House was House.

Most people knew he was hiding something. Most people thought it was because of his leg that he was an ass to everything. Only a few people knew the other pain he walked with everyday. It was a pain he had ran from since he was 18. It was something he wished he could just solve in the blink of an eye and close the file and be able to forget about it like a lot of his cases on his desk.

Hell even Wilson didn't know his true pain and he was the closest person to him.

And now he was gone too.

If House was a crying man, he probably would have wept over his lost friendship but he wasn't and he wasn't going to weep.

There was no point over crying over spilt milk. What was done was done and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to change it all.

House would just have to move on.

How he was going to do that he had no clue of right now but with him being chained in his hospital bed, he figured he had time to drown himself in thoughts to figure something out.

Though he really didn't want to. Hopefully something else would distract him from this.

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**_(authors notes)_**

heh second chapter already! shock

Thankies to gh2005 for their review!

I'm really trying to keep the characters in character. Like I said before in the first chapter, I don't want to write this if it can't be almost 'seen' as a house episode.

Please review before you go and thankies for reading this!


	3. Waiting

**Different kinds of Pain**

**Chapter 3: Waiting**

**By Candy aka Solarsun**

_Disclaimer: Is it weird to wish you were dating a man twice your age and is a fictional character? I thought so...anyway I don't own House._

A knock on the door always came when he was with a patient. Sometimes the oncologist wondered if it was some sorta curse that he'd have to live with for the rest of his doctor career. Glancing up he saw a familiar ER doctor poke her head into his door noticing he was with one of his patients.

"Sorry Dr. Wilson, I'll come back another time," She said quietly gazing toward the woman sitting in the chair across from him.

"It's quit alright," Wilson said standing up. "We were just finishing up anyway." Cameron's eyes gazed at the woman for a moment, taking in the fact she had looked like she was crying just a few moments ago. The woman in question stood and walked out the door, stopping for a moment and giving Wilson a quick hug.

"I don't know what I'd be doing now if I didn't have a Oncologist as nice as you," She wept then walked out the door past Cameron, paying her no mind. His eyes settled on the ER doctor once more as she stepped further into his office closing the door behind her.

"Miss Cameron, it's a rare thing indeed when you come to visit," Wilson said motioning toward the now empty chair by his desk. "And I'm sure it's not just a friendly visit either."

Shaking her head she took the chair for the moment gazing up at Wilson who looked like he had seen better days. Of course the oncologist had seen better days. It wasn't a normal thing to have your current love of your life die and someone you considered a best friend laying in the intensive care unite only to be ignoring him. Cameron could understand why Wilson was avoiding that area of the hospital but it wasn't helping either of them.

"You're here about House, aren't you?" Wilson then broke breaking her thought process walking to his side of the desk and sitting down looking at the younger coworker fully. She didn't seem to be taking this whole situation very well either.

She also noticed the rings around his eyes and how puffy and red they were. Wilson had always been House's emotional support, she understood. Where House was logical and about numbers Wilson was emotional and thought about the patient. It was their friendship, she realized early on, that made both of them good doctors.

And it was their friendship now that would have to get both of them out of what was going on.

If, that is, there was any friendship left after it had all settled down.

"You should have taken a few weeks off," Cameron began. "I know I'm not Cuddy and I'm not House and we're only really associates because of House but with what happened a few days ago…" She started to explain.

"I cannot undo," Wilson said taking a deep breath. "I know you're concerned for your ex-boss and you should very well be but people grieve in different ways. My line of work I see the angry and I also see the oddly happy. This is my way of grieving for everything that has happened."

"…by ignoring it? That's what you're trying to do. Yes I agree with you on how different people grieve differently. Working with House I also saw a wide range of habits different people pick up to deal with life BUT most of them would take at least a week off to work through all this before coming back to a job that in itself is very stressful." Cameron leaned forward on his desk then quietly adding, "Why haven't you visited him yet?"

A look of sadness filled his face as he gazed down at his hands quietly taking in the abruptness of the question. He had known that she was here to ask that. He had been wondering when someone would come out and ask him that question. Wilson had figured it would have been Cuddy to be the one to ask it. After all, Wilson figured, that the only reason Cuddy was allowing him to work right now is for emotional support for the man laying in the Intensive Care unite. She had been against him coming back so soon, calling him a 'mini-house' as a joke.

Again, he knew that this was the exact same thing House would have done, and had done, to ignore the painful reality that was settling upon his shoulders.

"…that is…difficult to explain…" He said slowly taking a few more deep breaths only staring at his hands.

"He needs you." Cameron said sounding so surely of herself.

"He needs to stop his self destructive behavior," Wilson quickly snapped back at her, not meaning to actually say what was on his mind. "I mean…"

There was a look of shock on her face now that settled into a sad pitied expression, but she never looked away from him, which bothered Wilson greatly. He didn't want those eyes on him anymore then they had been with the nursing staff that had heard through the grape vine what had happened and with Cuddy who had come to talk to him right after it had happened.

"I know what you mean," Cameron said quietly. "You out of all the people here know him best, and at the same time I don't think you know him very well either. Once you realize a few things about him, he's easy to read. You're the more difficult of you two to read."

That statement Wilson never thought he would hear in his life shut his mouth instantly as he was about to say something. The look of shock was now all over his face.

"..how…how can you say that?" Wilson then stammered out. "He is the most difficult doctor to get along with in this hospital…no probably this entire state. Every hospital in a 100 mile radius knows the name Gregory House! Cuddy was thought to be insane for defending that man time and time again."

"The same man you defended risking your job," Cameron said quietly. "I know things between you probably won't be the same after this. No matter what the friendship was before a tragic event like this it would be shaken afterward. You're blaming him for her death, at least partially, because maybe he is partially to blame for her death BUT you also need him like he needs you."

"House doesn't need anybody…" Wilson tried to explain away. "He said so himself."

"Everybody lies, even the great Gregory House," Cameron said standing up. "It is something that came from his mouth time and time again and has been proven time and time again. I found it shocking when he proved it to me almost every case we worked on and it made me depressed but what I did learn with working with House is that yes 'everybody does lie' but it's our actions that count."

"Then his actions killed Amber and he has to account for them!" Wilson stood up not wanting to hear this anymore! He wanted to hate House right now! It was better to deal with House this way then to have to deal with a best friend in intensive care and his love dead being prepped for burial.

The outburst from Wilson startled Cameron as she stepped back giving the grieving man some space. Tears were pouring down his face now as he took his hand and wiped them quickly trying to regain control over his emotions. It made her heart want to break for the man who was in the middle of this all.

Taking a deep breath Cameron walked over next to the oncologist and put her hand on his shoulders bringing him into a hug.

It shook him a little but he didn't fight the hug and returned it slowly.

After a little bit Cameron pulled away from him, a very serious look on her features as she finally saw what Wilson had been dealing with.

"You need to take a few days off," She said quietly. "And you need to visit House before you leave this hospital now. I do understand why you want to feel this way but if you don't say something to him you'll end up loosing him as well."

"He's not…" Wilson began trying to excuse his way out of the situation.

"He's awake and from what Foreman told me he asked if you had visited. He's too stubborn to say anything outright, you know that, but he wants to know that you don't hate him." She said turning toward the door. "You are the only person that could be considered a friend of his and he needs you."

With that last statement Cameron walked quietly out of his office leaving a shell shocked Wilson standing there unsure of anything anymore.

That woman said that House only considered him a friend but would just anybody come risk their job for House like she just did?

Sitting back down Wilson looked over his calendar for that day and sighed rubbing a few more tears from his eyes. Picking up the phone he called his receptionist and asked her to cancel or reschedule all of his appointments for the next week. Cameron was right about giving himself time to grieve over all this. She seemed to be right about a lot of things.

If she was right about this, then if Wilson didn't act soon, she could be right about him loosing House. He didn't know what to do still though. There was a part of him that wanted to hate him for a while but another part of him that told him that if he didn't do something soon that there would be another grave in that cemetery that he would have to visit.

House was a very broken man, and like Cameron had said, once you realize that about him he was easy as a three year old to read. Both Cameron and he knew that House wouldn't come to him for forgiveness either. That man would try and walk away from it like he did his first marriage.

Though it won't be necessarily walking but a body bag that House would be leaving in.

So he'd have to somehow be the better man, like time and time again. It seemed like this was all some sorta waiting game with him. Everybody around House was waiting for the day when the man would finally ask for help.

Would finally wake up and realize what was going on around him.

The day of House would be reborn.

And Wilson, like many others of the hospital staff, had been waiting to see what House would become in his rebirth….

A Corpse

…or a Phoenix?

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_**(authors notes)**_

And another chapter done in 2 days. If I keep this up my other fanfictions will be jealous! In the little time between chapter 1 and 2 I want to thank i luv ewansmile for their review! I'm trying hard to keep them in character, so very hard.

I also never realized how active House fanfiction was on till I started writing/reading it there. It's crazy!

Anyway please review before you go and as always thanks for taking the time to read one of my stories.


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